Loveboat
by kayak
Summary: Nami wants to go on a cruise ship.
1. Chapter 1

Loveboat

Nami did not answer, but instead leaned to the side, a hand on her hip, considering the gangling, undistinguished-looking man. Middle-aged and bearded, he wore a pair of thick spectacles and baggy trousers. He held a stack of glossy brochures in his arm and was holding one of them out to her.

Gingerly, she took it from him and glanced at it. "Loveboat? What's that?" she asked warily.

"It's a brand-new cruise ship," he said excitedly with a toothy smile. "Today is its maiden voyage. Three days around the island. Spa, gourmet cuisine, swimming pool, casino, lounges, live entertainment and even karaoke. It's all listed in the brochure."

"That's nice." Nami sensed a sales pitch coming and passed the brochure back to the strange man. The name sounded ridiculously corny and she had better things to do than to waste her money on a cruise ship.

He waved his hand and told her to keep it. "Tell your friends. There's a special promotion. First 20 couples get on for free."

"Free?" That caught her attention. Who didn't like free stuff?

He nodded. When he saw Nami reconsidering, he scurried off to the next lady in the market, waving another brochure at her.

Slowly Nami unfolded the brochure and perused its contents. Sure enough the ship was huge and designed for fun and comfort on the sea. The more she read it, the more she liked the idea of spending her time on a cruise ship. She never been on one before and thought it could be a splendid adventure. A safe kind of adventure. No struggling through the merciless desert, falling out of the sky or fighting off the living dead. The Thousand Sunny was docked for another week on the island until the Log Pose reset itself so it wasn't like there was anything else to do in the meantime.

Now the question was, who to take with her? Her list of possible candidates was short and dismal.

While her crew mates were loyal and sweet in that dumb sort of way, they all had their own annoying habit that drove her up the wall. She would have to spend three straight days with whoever she decided and she didn't know if she could handle that without murdering him first. But she reasoned the ship was big with plenty of things to do so it should be all right. Hopefully.

By the time Nami got back to the Thousand Sunny, she still couldn't make up her mind on who to ask. It was mind-boggling. Not one of her choices stood out and every time she settled on someone she changed her mind. Did she really have to go with someone to get on for free? She checked the brochure again and grumbled. There was no way around it. Finally she decided she should pick by the most scientific way possible: draw a name from a box.

Cutting up a sheet of paper, she jotted down all their names and threw them into a shoebox. Nami gave it a good shake and carefully pulled out a slip of paper.

Luffy.

Nami sighed. Not exactly the best person to drag along to a cruise ship. His stomach was a bottomless pit and there was no telling how much food there was. If the ship ran out of food, it could spell disaster for her and everyone else. She weighed the risks and thought about it some more. Just go with it. The shoebox made the choice.

It took Nami a while to find Luffy. She gone to the galley, her first guess, but found only Sanji cooking lunch. After a few minutes of fending off Sanji's eagerness to prepare her a snack, she made it out scot-free and headed towards the aquarium bar. No luck there either. She tried a few more places before she found Luffy at, in all places, the library.

Luffy didn't notice her when she entered the library. His legs crisscrossed in the air as he laid on his stomach. He was preoccupied with a book, coloring it with Usopp's markers.

"Watcha doing?" Nami asked casually as she approached him.

"Nothing," Luffy responded happily and then he sniggered secretly to himself.

"Want to go on a cruise ship with me?"

Luffy stopped and peered up from underneath his straw hat with a puzzled look. "Huh? What's a cruise ship?"

Nami drew a breath and explained patiently, "It's a ship that people travel on for fun and relaxation."

Luffy pushed up the brim of his straw hat. "A ship? Is it cooler than the Thousand Sunny?" He sounded skeptical.

"Well, no. It's not as cool, but it has lots of food for you to eat." Always appeal to his stomach if she wanted something from Luffy.

"Better food than what Sanji makes?" Again he sounded skeptical.

"Uh... I guess not," she answered slowly. She didn't want Luffy to think that she didn't think Sanji's cooking was the best. If it got back to Sanji, he would be inconsolable and no one liked a crying Sanji.

Luffy tilted his head, scratching his temple. "Why do you want to go on a cruise ship? We got a ship with lots of food. A cruise ship sounds boring," he whined.

Nami paused in shock. Luffy made a good point, a rare moment for him. It took her a few moments to recover and to think of a comeback. "It's got a spa and a swimming pool," she blurted. It wasn't much to add in favor of the cruise ship, but she was getting desperate.

Luffy gave her a flat look like she was the dumb one.

Nami squeezed her eyes closed and moaned inwardly. She could have palm-slapped herself. Oh yeah, how forgetful of her. Luffy was a hammer. He couldn't enjoy swimming as much as the non-Devil Fruit Users. He always needed a silly flotation device and he tired easily after a few laps.

Feeling sheepishly stupid, Nami left Luffy to his coloring and returned to her shoebox.

Another shake of the box and and another slip of paper.

Zoro.

Nami blew a raspberry. Zoro could be pig-headed and unreasonable. It was probably a waste of time to ask him, but she didn't know until she tried. Fortunately, she knew exactly where to find him and she climbed straight to the crow's nest.

Lifting weights and smelling icky and sweaty, Zoro didn't have to look to know who was entering his domain. "What do you want, woman?"

Nami bristled at the tone of his voice. To think, she was going to reduce his debt by one percent if he went with her. He won't get that now. He lost his chance. "Take me on a cruise ship," she demanded, her hands resting on her hips.

"Why?" he challenged. He was resisting, digging in his heels.

"I need someone to go with me. First 20 couples go free."

Zoro harrumphed. "I'm busy." He tossed his weights away and grabbed another pair of dumbbells. He placed one in his mouth and held the other in his left hand. To Nami amazement, he flipped upside-down and started doing one-arm handstand pushups. She stepped back a bit, afraid he might lose his balance and fall over.

"You can work out on the cruise ship. It has a fitness center. And bars. Lots of booze." Nami couldn't believe she had to play up the qualities of the cruise ship. Was it that hard to see? Any sane and normal person should know it was better than hanging around here, doing the same old thing, especially when it was free. He should be leaping at the chance to go with her.

For Zoro's benefit, Nami assumed she saw a momentary flicker of hesitation during his exercise as if he did have working braincells and was actually considering her brilliant idea. She waited, almost hopeful for his answer.

Zoro stopped and stared at her, his one eyebrow raised, or lowered depending on whose point of view. With the dumbbell still in his teeth, he said simply, "No, thanks."

Nami groaned and marched out. At least he was somewhat polite about it this time.

Back to her shoebox.

Grumbling angrily to herself, Nami shook it hard and long. Why was this so difficult? She slammed the shoebox on her dresser, stuck her hand inside and grabbed another slip of paper.

Sanji!

Nami burst out laughing. With Sanji, it was a piece of cake. Victory at last. Sure, there was a small problem. He might think it was some kind of a date and make a big deal out of it, but she didn't care at the moment. Finally someone who would go with her.

Working out a way to approach Sanji with the idea of the cruise ship without it sounding like it was a date, Nami hurried to the galley. Sanji wasn't surprised to see her and was prepared when she walked in. Like a whirlwind of black, he rushed over to her, one knee on the floor. He presented to her a tray with a drink on top like a sacrificial offering. It was a coconut milk smoothie with a dainty little strawberry clipped on the edge.

"A drink for my ocean goddess," Sanji said ecstatically.

Nami steadied herself and accepted it, taking a little sip through the straw. "Thank you, Sanji-kun." He was still kneeling in front of her, beaming at her. Little hearts were magically floating around him. How he did that, she still couldn't figure out.

Suddenly it seemed too much for Nami, the constant pampering and adoration. There was no way she could ask him. Even if he understood it wasn't a date, three days of only Sanji. What was she thinking?

"I think I'll drink this outside," she murmured. Slowly she backed away, smiling at him and fumbling blindly for the doorknob.

By poor luck, the brochure that she was carrying slipped from her possession and fell haphazardly to the floor. There was no way Sanji could have missed it and he dove upon it like it was a handkerchief tossed from a fair maiden. "Let me get that for you, Nami-san."

Nami gasped in horror. "That's nothing. Just trash. Throw it away." But it was too late.

Sanji stared stupidly at the brochure and silently mouthed the name of the cruise ship, his eyes turning as huge as saucers.

Nami sighed and gave up. For better or worse, might as well ask him. "I don't suppose you want to go with me," she mumbled.

Expecting a firework of hearts and an explosion of mellorines, Sanji stood quiet and still, his eyes transfixed on the brochure in his hands. Strangely, his complexion seemed to fade visibly away. He stayed like that for several minutes.

"Sanji-kun?" Nami asked. What was the matter with him? She poked him on the shoulder. There was no response from him.

"A cruise ship," Sanji whispered shakily.

"Yes, it's a cruise ship. Do you want to go with me? It's not a date!" Nami added in quickly.

Sanji held his breath and turned to look at her. He looked simply awful. Slowly, he opened his mouth and said, "I'm so-so sorry, Nami-san. Forgive me. I can't go."

Stunned, Nami had to shake her head to be sure she heard him correctly. "You can't go? Why?"

Getting up on his feet, he headed back to his stove. He seemed to be in a funny daze. "I have to clean the refrigerator today."

Clean the refrigerator. The words echoed in her mind. Nami couldn't believe it. Sanji had to clean the refrigerator. What was the world coming to? She could see what went wrong with Luffy and Zoro, but Sanji? Understandably he was strict and protective over his kitchen. It was his territory, his passion. He spent more time in the kitchen than anywhere else on the ship. So cleaning the refrigerator wasn't unreasonable. It came with the job as cook of the ship.

And while it wasn't necessarily true that Sanji did everything she asked, despite what Zoro grumbled and said behind Sanji's back, he wasn't her personal servant. Maybe 99.99% of time he did whatever she asked of him. He must have said no to her in the past. She couldn't recall those rare instances, but she was certain he did.

Right now, something was off, either with her or the world because Sanji just turned her down to clean the refrigerator. Clean the refrigerator!

Back in her quarters, Nami glared at the shoebox. Shot down three times. It seemed it was not in her future to go on that cruise ship. She grew calm about it, despite her tendency to blowup and beat the tar out of her crewmates.

The solution was easy and simple to her. She took the cardboard box, walked outside to the deck and chucked it overboard.


	2. Chapter 2

Loveboat

There was a light knock on the door. Nami ignored it and stooped closer to her survey desk. Trying to forget today's humiliating events, she decided to bury herself in her maps. She had been neglecting them lately and it was high time she got back to work on them.

The knock persisted.

"What do you want?" Nami called out. She wasn't going to leave her desk for anything short of a natural disaster or lunch, whichever came first.

"Nami." The voice belonged to Chopper. "Did you want to go on the Loveboat?"

"NO!" Nami had enough of that idea. Her shoulders sagged as she realized that Chopper must have heard of her many rejections from this morning. The last thing she wanted was pity from the youngest crew member. She didn't think her ego could bear it.

"Are you sure?"

Her voice softened. "I'm fine. I'm just going work on my maps."

"Okay." She heard the pitter-patter of his hoofed feet as he trotted away.

Amazed at her own diligence, Nami completed her work and stretched her stiff back. It went faster than she thought it would take. Rolling up her maps and storing them away in the her chest, she felt her stomach growl. Did she miss lunch? That was strange. Sanji should have called her down for lunch. Unless something happened to him while he was cleaning the refrigerator, like the refrigerator toppling over him and locking him inside.

Nami giggled. It was a terrible thing to imagine, but she was still peeved at him.

When she got to the galley, it was dim and silent. Nobody was there and nothing was boiling or brewing on the stove. She checked the inside of the refrigerator and found it devoid of any possible blond cooks. On the table was a solitary plate of sautéed sea bass with asparagus, slowly cooling. A pretty flower in a tiny vase stood next to it.

Where was everyone? Nami searched the entire Thousand Sunny, calling their names. No one answered her. She was getting nervous. Where could they have gone?

Her initial impulse was to run back to the galley and call them on the Den Den Mushi. Fury was her first emotional response, fury at them for deserting the ship and fury for not telling her where they were going. Her hand held the receiver as she tapped in the number for the Baby Den Den Mushi. Then she waited. After a moment, she heard it beeping nearby.

Oh no. Nami darted to the cabinets and slid open the drawer. Gently clenching the tiny snail, she pulled it out and stared at it. They didn't take it. No one bothered to take the Baby Den Den Mushi with them. More than ever she wanted to shout at them. They were worst than little kids.

Nami was about to return the Baby Den Den back to the drawer when she noticed it looked a bit peckish. Its antennae hung lowly. Concerned over its poor condition, she carried it over to the other bigger Den Den and checked on that one as well. It wasn't looking too good either. Did anyone feed them? Quickly she set out to find something in the fridge for them until she realized she had no idea what they ate. Did they like vegetables? She tried the cooked asparagus. Thankfully they took interest in it and started munching on it. Grabbing a small saucer, she filled it with water and left it by them. Poor things.

Now she needed to figure out where the rest of the crew went. She had no inkling of what was going on until she found the brochure. Instead of being in the kitchen where Sanji had it last, it was lying outside on the lawn, defaced with stick figure drawings. Only one person she knew of drew like that and he had a habit of drawing on whatever scrap of paper he could find: her captain.

Burning with rage, Luffy told her the cruise ship was boring. Did he change his mind? Did they all go? Did they all leave her behind? She was angry. She was devastated. She remembered telling Chopper she didn't want to go.

Nami groaned. Now it made sense to her. Not really. But she was going to find out for sure. She raced off the Sunny and headed straight for the harbor where the Loveboat was docked.

The line of people stretched from the edge of the pier and out to buildings where it circled a warehouse. Hopping up and down, Nami searched the crowd for any familiar faces. There were all kinds of people: tall, short, fat and skinny, most of them looking very unsavory. She moved down the line, ignoring the catcalls and leers thrown at her.

When Nami reached the front of the line did she stop and stare, her hands balled into fists. She found them, every one of them, happy and chatting with each other. Even Robin was there standing next to Sanji.

"Nami!" Luffy shouted, waving his straw hat at her.

"Nami? I thought you were working on your maps. Are you seeing us off?" Usopp asked.

"I'm glad you came, Nami. I thought you were angry at us." Chopper was perched on Usopp's shoulder, smiling.

Shaking her head, Nami was confused and then furious. She grabbed the corner of Luffy's mouth and pulled. "You didn't want go. You said a cruise ship was boring. What's up with that?"

Luffy screamed like he was being murdered. "You didn't tell me it had karaoke."

Nami released her hold. "Karaoke? You're going for the karaoke?"

Luffy nodded as he rubbed his cheek, grinning. She didn't peg him as being a avid music lover, let alone a singer, but then remembered the first occupation he wanted to add to his crew was a musician.

"And you!" Nami pointed an angry finger at Zoro. "You said you were too busy. What's your excuse?"

"You should have asked me nicely," he countered. He folded his arms and scowled at her.

Nami was taken back and then she relaxed. She guessed, in the end, it didn't matter. There was no point staying mad at them. They were all here and they were all going on the cruise ship. It should be a lot of fun. She couldn't wait to try out the casino and the spa.

The line started to move as the attendant lifted the rope for entry. Suddenly Nami realized a small detail she forgot. How in the world were they all going to get on? She, Robin and two other guys should be able to get on for free without any problems, but what about the rest of them? She didn't bring enough cash to pay for them. Not that she wanted to spend that much money in first place.

Usopp and Chopper stepped up first, spoke their names and the attendant let them through with no fuss.

Nami blinked in surprise. "How did you... Wait a second. You're not a couple." She said that louder than what she intended to.

Usopp flinched and took a step back away from her, mortified and outraged. "How could you say that about us? We are a couple! We're madly in love with each other." To reinforce his statement, Usopp embraced Chopper in a tight hold and kissed him on the nose. Chopper gagged a little, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. From the kiss or the hug, it was hard to tell. Before anyone could stop them, they ran up the gangplank hand-in-hand, laughing incessantly.

"Let's go! It's our turn." Luffy jumped onto Zoro's back, his fist in the air and his other arm wrapped around Zoro's neck. "Karaoke!"

"Yeah, yeah," Zoro said and he proceeded to carry Luffy piggyback style.

"Karaoke! Karaoke! Karaoke!""

Nami could only stare at them. Zoro caught her expression and smirked. "Luffy asked me nicely."

Again the attendant let them by without a second glance.

Next were Franky and someone unfamiliar. Nami wasn't sure, but it looked a lot like Brook. How many walking skeletons with Afros were there in the Grand Line? Somehow he found a gown with three ruffled petticoats and a frilly parasol. Given how tall he was, the skirt was too short and it ended up showing off his feet, which wore dancing slippers and his ankles in striped stockings. He had his hair tied back and wore a fancy little top hat with a bow. They made an odd-looking couple, Franky with his vest and speedo and Brook overdressed as a...skeleton woman.

Franky gave their names and Brook, in a feminine, granny-like voice, corrected the spelling of his name. "It's Brooke with an E. Yoohoohoo!"

The attendant scribbled down their names, nodded his head, and waved them along. Brook held onto Franky's arm as they jaunted up the gangplank where they joined the rest of the crew. Nami couldn't believe they were getting away with it. It was like shit crazy.

Noticing the funny look from Nami, attendant cleared his throat. "Here on the Loveboat, we have a strict non-discriminatory policy," he explained in a rehearsed speech. "We do not discriminate based on race, gender, age, species." He hesitated glancing at Brook, or Brooke. "Or living status."

Ah, Nami thought. How fair and politically correct of them.

Only two of her crew mates left and surprisingly they left the line. It wasn't hard to find them. They weren't far. Sanji sat on a bench, leaning forward, his head between his knees. Robin was patting his back. Nami jogged over to them, wondering what was going on.

"Robin? Are you going on the cruise ship with Sanji-kun?" She wanted to berate him for turning her down earlier, but something was wrong with him.

"Nami-san! It's not what it looks like. I didn't want to go, but..." Sanji stammered. His eyes grew large as he stared passed her and at the cruise ship. He put his head down again and started panting.

"It's all right. Just take deep, slow breaths. When you are ready, we will try again," Robin consoled and laid a friendly hand on his shoulder. Quickly she pulled Nami aside and out of hearing range from Sanji.

"What's the matter with him? I thought he was going to clean the refrigerator today."

"You will have to be very patient with him. It's a very sensitive issue for him." Robin paused to check on Sanji and continued. "You see, he is afraid of cruise ships."

"Excuse me?" Nami almost laughed out loud. It had to be a joke, but Robin didn't even crack a little smile. She was completely serious. Come to think of it, Robin never joked in this fashion.

"I would say his fear is extreme enough to be considered a phobia."

Nami shook her head. "That makes absolutely no sense. How can he possibly have a phobia of cruise ships? He lived on a floating restaurant boat and he's been on lots of other ships. It's not like there's a big difference between those ships and a cruise ship."

"Phobias are irrational fears," Robin explained. "We do not need to understand why he has it, only that he has it."

Nami turned to look at Sanji who was still seated on the bench, breathing. Who would have thought a big, tough guy like Sanji would have cruise ship phobia. Of course there was that time with the bugs and spiders on Jaya, which was perfectly understandable. A lot of people would get nervous with that many creepy crawlers flying around. All the hairy legs and eyes, Nami shivered just thinking about it. "But Robin, if he's scared of cruise ships, why is he going?"

"I thought it would be a good way to overcome his fear if he faced it head on. When I suggested it to him, he seemed certain he could do it, but now I am not sure if he could board the ship."

"How...awful," Nami said carefully, sounding distracted. The gears in her head were rotating. It was obvious where the situation stood. Only three people left and only two could go. If Sanji bailed out then she and Robin were free to go together. If Luffy and Zoro could get away with the gay couple act, then she and Robin shouldn't have any problems. Now it was all up to Sanji and time was running out.

It would have been easy for Nami if she simply asked to him to go back and guard the Thousand Sunny. He always complied with her requests, no matter what they were, but that would have been exceedingly tacky of her. The man was distraught by the cruise ship. It would be wrong to dismiss him and send him back. But it wasn't her fault that he was the way he was. Why punish her if he couldn't get on?

Another way, Nami could subtly suggest an odious errand that needed to be completed on the Sunny. He would volunteer, think it was his idea and everyone would be happy. After all she would be doing him a favor. She was giving him a way out without looking like a fool. Why put him through the stress of going on that cruise ship? He would be much happier back in his galley.

They returned to find Sanji smoking a cigarette and spacing out.

"Are the breathing techniques helping?" Robin asked. Nami thought the cigarette was doing him more good than any kind of breathing.

"Ah, Robin-chan, Nami-san," Sanji said, looking startled. "The breathing techniques are helping a little." He sucked on his cigarette and blew out a stream of smoke. Yes, they definitely helped when you included a cigarette into the equation.

"Perhaps you should try the visualization exercises."

"Right, Robin-chan. My happy place." He shut his eyes, relaxed and breathed evenly. Then he made the most lecherous face Nami had ever seen. Whatever he was imagining seemed to have worked. He looked very calm in his perverted way.

"Shall we try again?"

Sanji's eyes snapped open, his expression turning fearful. "Uh, yes." He grabbed his luggage and chased after Robin.

"Congratulations! You're the last couple to board for free. I hope you enjoy your stay on the Loveboat," the attendant said brightly. He ogled at Robin in her lovely sarong and blouse. She did have that effect on men.

"Thank you. How lucky of us," Robin said politely. She gave the attendant their names.

Nami was anxious. Was Sanji going to bolt or was he going to get on? He stood frozen, staring at the cruise ship. A man, presumably with his wife, bumped roughly against him, knocking his luggage to ground. He mumbled angrily on how close they were to getting a free ride. The contents of the luggage spilled out, frightening Nami. She was expecting an assortment of clothes and shoes. There was nothing but knives, really big, sharp knives. Sanji must have brought his entire knife collection.

Sanji scrambled to pack them back in his luggage. The attendant gave him a cursory look and frowned. Shaking his head, he went back to checking in the passengers. He didn't seem all that concerned about the knives.

Ashamed, Sanji held his head low and lamented, "Robin-chan, I don't think I can do this. I'm sorry."

Nami saw her chance. "That's terrible, but if that's your decision, no one should make you go."

Hearts appeared in his eyes as Sanji beamed happily at her like she was his savior. "I can keep Nami-san company."

Nami panicked as she realized where that was going. She needed some fast thinking to put her on the cruise ship.

"Nonsense. You are already here. You only need a little more help," Robin interrupted. A pair of hands suddenly sprouted from Sanji's head, covering his eyes. "You will go."

Sanji sputtered and made a grab for her hands before another pair of hands appeared and held down his arms. He was about to say something, when a fifth hand emerged to shut his mouth.

Robin turned to Nami and said, "Nami, take care. We should be back soon."

Speechless at her misfortune, Nami could only nod her head and wave them good-bye. She watched as Robin took Sanji's hand and led him up the gangplank.

Her plan seemed easy. What went wrong? Sanji didn't want to go, but was going. She wanted to go, but was staying. How mixed up was that?


	3. Chapter 3

Loveboat

Like hell, Nami was going to let them go without her. The cruise ship was her idea. Although the way they got on for free was totally theirs.

Posing as couples themselves, the idea was so absurd and incredible, it was sheer genius. Had there been more time, she would have laughed herself silly at the ploy. Only her crew was demented enough to try something like that and get away with it.

Nami hurried back to the Thousand Sunny, grabbed some clothes and some personal effects, and then returned to the Loveboat. The long line of people was gone and the crew was preparing to set sail. Wasting no time, she made a beeline straight to the ticket booth and did the unthinkable.

"One ticket!" she exploded and slammed a fist full of beri flat on the counter. The clerk, frightened by her outburst, quickly recovered, counted the money and handed her a ticket.

Nearly ripping the ticket from the clerk's hand, Nami ran at full force towards the cruise ship. She tossed the ticket at the attendant and sprinted up the gangway. The very last passenger, she made it in time.

After catching her breath, Nami stood up and surveyed the cruise ship. She was impressed. It was huge and luxurious compared to the Thousand Sunny. With several decks and doorways, it was easy to get lost, even for someone like her. There had to be hundreds and hundreds of people onboard. The cruise ship's crew, outfitted in fine, pristine uniforms, doffed their caps and greeted her at every turn, asking her if she needed anything. She smiled and shook her head. Eventually she found her room and put her belongings away. She wondered where everyone else were.

Nami remembered Luffy wanted to try the karaoke and decided to start her search there. To her disappointment, the karaoke was unavailable until later in the night. Now where to go next? She wandered the decks until she found the outdoor swimming pool.

"Nami! You're here!" Luffy yelled. He was sitting on an inflatable rubber ring, waving gleefully at her. Zoro and Usopp were on opposite ends, pushing him back and forth between them in the water. Even though they were in their swimming trunks, Zoro still carried his three swords, strapped to his back. Luckily the water in the pool only went up to their waist.

"I thought you didn't want to go. How did you get on?" Usopp asked.

"I paid," Nami said flatly. She sat down at the edge of the pool, slipped off her sandals and immersed her feet in the water. It felt good. The water was soothing and clear. "No thanks to you guys."

"You should have said something earlier," Zoro argued. "You could have gone with Usopp and Chopper could have been the pet."

Nami sighed. True, but then she had no idea of their crazy plan. When she finally figured it out, it was already too late. Truthfully, it wasn't that bad of a deal if she really thought about it. Nine people for the price of one. Of course, she was planning to deduct the cost of her ticket out of their allowance so no loss to her.

"Where's everyone?" Nami looked around and spotted a tall skinny woman with a parasol, strolling among the female sunbathers. Not hard to guess who that was. Was Brook going to stay dressed as a woman the whole time?

"Chopper went to get drinks. Franky is checking out the layout of the ship," Usopp answered, pausing for a second. "And Robin headed to the spa. Said something about trying out the mud bath. Why does anyone want a mud bath? Isn't that messy?"

"Ooh! That sounds like fun. We should go there next," Luffy chimed in. He splashed water at the swordsman. "Push, Zoro! Push!"

"All right already!" Zoro gave Luffy a good shove, adding a little spin to his flotation device.

"Whee!" Luffy squealed in delight as he floated back to Usopp. Usopp copied Zoro's maneuver, but it was weaker in comparison.

"So where's Sanji-kun?" Nami asked, trying to act casual. Knowing all about male pride, she had to be as tactful and indirect as possible. Sanji's little problem was not widely known to everyone and she intended to keep it that way. Even if it was ridiculously stupid.

"Tsk," Zoro scoffed, shaking his head. "Stupid cook. He won't leave his room."

"He's acting weird." Usopp rubbed his chin. He glanced over the pool area and noted there was no shortage of female passengers. "He said he needed to prepare dinner. We told him he didn't need to do that, but he insisted."

"Dinner..." Luffy drooled. "I'm hungry."

Zoro made a harrumphing noise. "He's a dumbass. How is he going to cook? There's no stove in his room."

"He could prepare his fruit salad," Nami suggested. "That's good."

All three clearly didn't like what she said and they stared at her like she was nuts. Nami rolled her eyes and shrugged it off. Men were such carnivores. If given a choice, they would rather eat raw meat than any kind of fruit or vegetable.

Nami went to her room and changed into her swimsuit. Back at the swimming pool, there was no sign of Zoro or Usopp. Only Luffy remained and he was watching Chopper. Chopper had a toy boat and was playfully tugging it through the water. Amazingly enough, Brook had a crowd of ladies surrounding him, chortling in his granny-like voice. What he could be doing in that silly dress to attract all those ladies, Nami didn't want to know.

Nami jumped into the water and swam up to Luffy and Chopper. "Hey, where did Zoro and Usopp go?" She was a little concerned that they left three Devil Fruit Users by themselves at the swimming pool.

Luffy's tongue hung out in disappointment. "They got bored and left. Now I'm bored. Chopper, let me pull the boat."

Chopper, who was giggling and smiling moments before, hesitated. He looked unsure and reluctantly handed the string to Luffy. "Don't go too fast," he warned.

Luffy took the string and laughed. "It'll be fine." He sped off ripping the water with the boat.

Chopper screamed at him. "Too fast, too fast!"

The toy boat, Nami noticed, was a striking resemblance to the Going Merry. It even had her mikan grove. Usopp must have constructed it for him, she deduced. She didn't think Franky was very familiar with their old ship.

Nami convinced Chopper to give the flotation device a try and she pushed him through the water as she swam. They tried chasing after Luffy and the tiny Going Merry, but he wasn't letting up, no matter how much Nami yelled at him to slow down.

After a few laps around the swimming pool, Nami and Chopper managed to catch up to Luffy. Actually Luffy had stopped running completely and was gawking at the most unusual-looking person, his eyes sparkling in amazement. Nami would have smacked him out of his silly daze, but the appearance of person also caught her totally by surprised.

Bald, pale, and round like a balloon, he was dressed in a white uniform and a fancy cap. His hands clasped behind his back, which seemed really hard to do given how thick around the middle he was. It was amazing he was able to move with those tiny stubby legs. He wobbled around the pool, waving and greeting at all the passengers.

When he came upon Luffy staring blatantly at him, he chuckled. "Enjoying yourself."

Wide-eyed and slack-jawed, Luffy was speechless.

"I'm captain of the Loveboat, Captain Ben Dan," he continued, seeming undisturbed by Luffy's behavior.

Chopper exclaimed, "He's a captain just like Luffy!" He hopped out of the pool and joined Luffy.

Seriously, the captain of the Loveboat wasn't that amazing. He did look a little like an... Nami shook her head. It was only her imagination. The captain was rotund and little strange looking, but no different from any other weirdo they encountered on the Grand Line.

Luffy and Chopper quickly lost interest in the swimming pool and dogged the captain after he offered them a personal tour of the cruise ship. He even granted them a special early access to the karaoke lounge. This delighted Luffy the most. Nami let them go with no objection. She reasoned they couldn't get into that much trouble.

Done with the swimming pool herself, Nami wrapped a large towel around herself and sought out the spa, where Robin should be. A short old woman guided her in. Tranquil music filled the spacious room, creating a peaceful atmosphere. Several tubs lined the room each with a single patron soaking in a bath of bubbling mud. Nami stood, looking for Robin. She didn't know if she wanted to try the mud bath yet. The mud had a suspicious dark red tint.

Nami almost passed by Robin without seeing her. She was submerged, nearly out of sight in the mud.

"How is it? Is it any good?" Nami took a seat next to the tub and eyed the mysterious substance. What made it bubble like that? Was it a chemical reaction or was there an air line underneath there?

Robin grinned. "I see you found your way here. It is quite invigorating. You will enjoy it."

"I can't wait." Luckily for Nami all the tubs were occupied.

"It is very therapeutic. This would be good for Sanji. It would have been an awful shame had he missed this trip."

Not missing the underlying message in her words, Nami grimaced a little with guilt. Nothing got by Robin. She was too smart and observant. It was impossible to fool her. She recognized her little stunt to get Sanji to go back and sabotaged her plan, which in retrospect, she deserved. Robin knew she wouldn't have any trouble getting on the cruise ship on her own if she really wanted to go.

"He heard he didn't want to leave his room. He's not going to do much of anything in there," Nami pointed out.

"There is still time. I'm certain we can find a way to coax him out," Robin teased.

Nami sighed. Again the underlying message. She was recruited to help whether she liked it or not.

It turned out the spa had a waiting list so Nami skipped the mud bath. Like Usopp said, it was really messy. Anyways, it was almost time for dinner. She and Robin headed back to their rooms to change. Nami picked out a sleeveless white and blue dress. She met up with Robin outside the dining hall with no Sanji in tow. She had no idea where the rest of boys were, but imagined they would run into them sooner or later.

Suddenly Nami realized something. Robin and Sanji were sharing a room. "Did you want to switch to my room?" she asked Robin. It wasn't hard to do since her room had two beds. It turned out all the rooms were designed to be double occupancy on the Loveboat.

"Perhaps I should," Robin murmured pensively.

"Something wrong? Sanji still won't come out?" Nami stood tiptoed to scan over the crowd of people. The Loveboat crew should have opened the doors to the dining hall by now. The passengers were getting antsy.

"No. He wasn't there."

Nami paused and turned to look at Robin. "He left the room? That's a good thing. He must have gotten over his fear then."

"I am not so sure about that," Robin replied slowly.

"What do you mean?"

"He has redecorated our room in a peculiar fashion."

"How?" Nami frowned, slightly alarmed. "What did he do?"

"You will have to see for yourself."

"That bad?"

Robin didn't have a chance to continue. Angry voices could be heard from the entrance of the dining hall. The passengers had become unruly and impatient.

"Open the doors already!" someone shouted.

"What's taking so long? We're hungry. We paid good money for this," an obese woman demanded.

"You should have started an hour ago!"

Rather than stand in the middle of an angry mob, Nami and Robin push their way out. Something was wrong. Nami could see the strained look on the porters as they ran back and forward between the crowd. They conversed confidentially with the cruise director, who wasn't looking too good either. A tall man with an oblong face, skinny arms and legs, he seemed greenish and peckish.

Nami edged in closer for a hear of their conversation.

"What are we going to do? We can't stall any longer."

The cruise director patted his sweaty forehead, staring nervously at the growing crowd. "Do we have any kind of food anywhere?"

"There's some appetizer and dessert left, but that's not enough to hold them over. Every thing was taken, sir."

"This is a disaster! Who could have taken all the food?"

They had no food? Nami thought. It took her only a split second to figure it out.

Luffy!


	4. Chapter 4

Loveboat

How could her captain eat everything? There had to be enough food to feed hundreds of passengers. It seem impossible, but then Luffy had the uncanny knack of making the impossible, possible. The cruise only just started and he was already causing trouble. Fuming mad, Nami wanted to pummel him to death. All she wanted was a nice relaxing trip for once. "Luffy! How could he?"

"Are you sure you have the correct culprit?" Robin interjected, musing quietly to herself.

Confused, Nami turned to the older woman. "What do you mean?"

"Perhaps we should find the others first before we draw any conclusions."

Agreeing to that, they left the deck away from the mob of hungry passengers and headed towards the lounges and bars. The attendants stationed there seemed relaxed and unaware of the disaster building outside the dining hall. They were eager to offer cocktails and snacks to Nami and Robin when they questioned them if they saw any signs of their crewmates. Their physical appearance being rather unique and obvious, it would be hard to miss them if they saw them. After several inquiries, one of the porter directed them to the forward lounge on the third deck. A man in a green haramaki and a few other fellows went there.

Praying Zoro didn't lose his way and lead the others to the wrong place, Nami and Robin hurried to the lounge. The noise that met them was loud and awful. Off-key and shrieking, Nami covered her ears as she walked in. Their singing didn't bother Robin any.

"What in the world are you doing?" Nami shouted over the hubbub.

They stopped and frowned at her. Zoro groaned and took a swig of his beer. Usopp and Chopper were struggling over the remote control to the monitor. Brook, still in his dress, lowered his violin and bow and tipped his hat to her and Robin.

"We're singing!" Luffy proclaimed. Satisfied with their captain's answer, they returned to their _singing_.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Nami shouted. She could feel her veins boiling. "What were you thinking eating all the food, Luffy?"

Annoyed, Zoro grunted. "What are you talking about? What food?"

Nami sighed. "All the food they were planning to serve for dinner is gone," she explained. "Only one guess who could have eaten it all." She looked squarely at Luffy.

"Me?" Luffy whispered, pointing a finger to himself in confusion. "I ate it all?"

"No, you didn't," Zoro scolded. He knocked his head with his fist.

"What do you mean?" Nami asked. "Of course he ate it."

"That's not possible, Nami. Luffy was with us the whole time." Usopp jumped in. Chopper nodded in agreement. "We've been karaoking."

"Yoohoohoo. It's so much fun to sing. You lose track of the time and forget even to eat."

"Singing?" Nami was stunned. They were singing and having a good time. Was it even possible for Luffy to forget dinner?

Low grumbles were heard, which didn't come just from Luffy but everyone in the room. Brook too, even though he didn't have a stomach to grumble.

Right on cue, Luffy whined, "I'm hungry. Let's go eat!" The guys jumped onto their feet only to halt at Nami's hand.

"Well, good luck with that. As I said before, the food is gone. All they got are appetizers and dessert."

"No meat?"

Nami shook her head. "No meat."

Devastated, Luffy sank back into his seat and almost cried.

Robin, who was quiet throughout their conversation, sat down and skimmed through the karaoke catalog that Chopper left open. "We could always see what Sanji prepared."

Luffy's face lit up. "That's right. Sanji said he was going to cook dinner! Yay!"

"You mean eat his fruit salad?" Zoro wrinkled his face in disgust.

"I'm sure he'll have more than fruit salad." Nami rolled her eyes.

"There better be."

The boys followed Nami and Robin back. They were unconcerned with the news about the missing food. It seemed it wasn't their problem. And they continued to chat excitedly about their karaoke session. They waited rather impatiently with Luffy hopping up and down as Robin unlocked the door to the room. What they saw made their eyes sparkled. Actually only Luffy's eyes sparkled. Zoro was impress enough to grunt in approval. Nami was speechless.

The room was filled was food. Dishes, plates, and bowls of every kind of food you could imagine. Food on the table, beds, dresser, and floor. There was even food hanging from ceiling.

Luffy wasted no time and charged in. Usopp, Chopper and Brook screamed after him while Zoro calmly walked in and snatched a bottle of rum from a side table.

Nami could only stare at the room. She knew Sanji was a good cook, but the amount of food seen here was beyond belief. Platters of mozzarella, salami, and melon balls laid on the table with another tray containing roasted eggplants, grilled zucchini, olives and mushrooms sitting next to it. Little salmon sandwiches lined a silver plate, resting on one of the bed. On the other bed were plates of tiny cream puffs filled with chocolate and vanilla. It was an amazing spread. "Robin, how did Sanji do all this?"

Robin simply folded her arms and frowned. "It appears he collected more food after I left."

"Collected? Sanji didn't cook any of this?"

Robin turned to Nami. "Remember, I told you he had redecorated our room." She waved her hand at the food. "This is how he has been redecorating."

It didn't make any sense until Nami studied the room and noticed there were crates and boxes. Most of them were sealed, but their labels clearly indicated their contents: raw ingredients, like flour, sugar, cream, salt, and other such things needed to prepare a feast on a large scale.

"Sanji stole all ship's food," Nami uttered in disbelief. "But why?"

Robin gave her a knowing look, which made Nami groan and palm-slap her forehead. Sanji should have stayed on the Thousand Sunny like she wanted him to in the beginning. He had no business being on a cruise ship with his silly phobia.

"Where's Sanji?" Usopp mumbled, his mouth full with food. "This is good stuff."

Luffy shrugged his shoulders and then he jumped up to grab a leg of ham hanging from the light fixture. Chopper opened the bathroom door only to be buried in a mountain of vegetable. Brook managed to dig him out so he could use the bathroom.

"Where is Franky? I haven't seen him either," Zoro asked. He popped open a bottle of sake and settled down on the floor next to the bed. There wasn't anywhere to sit, what with humongous dishes occupying the chairs.

Again Luffy shrugged his shoulders. He yanked a chain of sausages off the curtains and sucked it down in one gulp. After he was done with all the sausage links, he started on the pot roast that was left on the sofa.

"Should we save them some food?" Usopp opened the dresser drawer and smiled at his discovery. He carefully lifted out an enormous chocolate raspberry cake and cut a slice for Chopper and himself.

"Maybe we should go look for them," Nami suggested tersely, but Luffy ignored her or more likely he didn't hear her. He was too busy squirming under the bed, trying to pull out whatever meat he sniffed under there.

"Yoohoohoo," Brook sang merrily, sipping a cup of tea. Robin sat across from him, quietly drinking coffee. Luffy had finally cleared the furniture of food so now there were places to sit. Nami stacked the empty plates in the corner for him. "I can't put my finger on it, but I feel something is not right. Perhaps, we should find Sanji and Franky."

"If you say so." Zoro was chugging down on a bottle of whiskey. "Not that I see anything wrong."

Poor Chopper, who was only trying to enjoy his cake, the door to the closet swung open and he was buried in a mountain of fruit.

It took another hour before Nami convinced them to go look for Sanji and Franky. And they only went to look because they ate everything in the room and there was nothing left to do, but stare at one another. Neither Sanji or Franky showed up for dinner. Not that Nami was worried about their well-being. She was more concerned about what they were doing.

Nami decided the search would go a lot faster if they split up into groups. At the current moment, their roster consisted of seven people: four devil fruit users and three who weren't. It was best to make three groups with Zoro, Usopp, and herself in different groups. For safety reasons. Nami would have preferred to go with Robin, but she suddenly volunteered to go with Usopp. Chopper stuck with Zoro like he usually did, quickly finding nice viewpoint on his shoulders. That left Nami with both Brook and Luffy. Oh joy.

Luffy pumped his arms and grinned. "Bet you we'll find them before you do, Zoro!"

"Tsk," Zoro grunted. He folded his arm at Luffy. "Is that a challenge?"

"Yeah!"

"Knock it off! Just find them," Nami snapped. She was seriously considering swapping Brook with Chopper or putting Brook with Zoro's group, just to balance the maturity and intelligence out a bit among the groups. But then it occurred to her it probably wouldn't make any difference.

Brook opened his parasol and lifted his skirt up by one hand as he ran off after Luffy, who was suddenly in a hurry to find Sanji and Franky. "Yoohoohoo! Wait for me, Luffy-san!"

Zoro snorted at them and walked off in the opposite direction. Chopper held on and waved good-bye.

Usopp asked, "Do you think there's something wrong? It's not like there anything dangerous on-board to worry about. Those guys should be able to handle a cruise ship."

"It is highly unusual for them to miss dinner," Robin replied.

"Wherever they are, I'm sure they are fine. I hope." Nami quietly murmured the last part more to herself.

"It was kind of weird all the food in the room." Usopp rubbed his chin, considering. "Sanji doesn't normally serve food like that."

Finally someone spoke up about the way the food was left in the room. Nami didn't think any of the guys noticed it. Food hidden under the bed and in the closet and in the drawers weren't the strangest places. They found melting pistachio ice cream, cheese fondue and butterscotch pudding in the bathtub. And there was also gravy sauce in the sink. Silly Luffy thought the whole thing was a game and started to search every inch of the room.

"Well yes, it did seem a little strange. Maybe he has stuff on his mind," Nami said slowly while giving Robin a sideways glance. She wondered if it was okay to spill the beans to Usopp. He was generally on good terms with Sanji. He may be understanding. Instead of a nod, Robin remained passive to her gesture. Nami almost sighed out loud in frustration.

"Whatever the case, better to start looking for them now. It is a big ship and may take most of the night. Your search party is almost gone from view."

"Oh." Nami turned and saw that Robin was right. Though Luffy had darted off first with Brook right behind, he didn't get far. He was on deck opening and closing all the doors one after another. He received shouts of protests and curses for his trouble, but that didn't deter his enthusiasm.

"You guys work your way down and my group will head up. We'll meet back here, okay?"

"Agreed."

Nami was about to jog after Luffy and Brook and berate the both of them when she shuddered unexpectedly. It was something she wasn't quite use to, but she accepted it. Ever since that bug bite from the prehistoric island called Little Garden, she had getting those little shudders and strange sensation. It was hard to describe and she never really talked about it to anyone. She ran out to the rail and peered up at the sky. The air was calm and the waves were smooth. It was getting dark, but it was clear and starry. A lovely night for a stroll along the deck.

But Nami knew better. Her weather-senses were tingling.


End file.
